Why the kitchen breeds toxicity
It isn't a coincidence. The kitchen brings together every condition that encourages toxic behaviour: high pressure, a closed space, hierarchy, fatigue, competition for a few positions and job insecurity.
In that environment, toxicity finds fertile ground. And if the leadership doesn't actively deal with it, it becomes the culture. It becomes the way the place works. And then it is very hard to change.
The faces of toxicity in the kitchen
Toxicity doesn't always have the same face. It shows up in different ways and comes from different directions.
Jealousy: when it drives you and when it destroys
Jealousy isn't bad in itself. There is a kind of jealousy that comes when you look at someone who is better than you and makes you say: I want to get there. That kind is useful. It is fuel.
Toxic jealousy is different. It doesn't want the other person to fail so that you can succeed. It wants the other person to fail even if you don't succeed. That difference is huge, and it says a lot.
If you notice that you take more pleasure in your colleagues' failures than in your own successes, that is a signal. Nobody is blaming you. But it is worth looking at.
Backstabbing: how it works
Backstabbing in the kitchen is rarely dramatic. It doesn't need shouting or accusations. It happens quietly, through small moves that each look innocent on their own.
- They don't tell you that something changed in the shift and let you look unprepared.
- They repeat something you said to the chef out of context, stripping away what it was really about.
- They praise you to your face and put you down when you leave.
- They don't share know-how you need, so that they stay indispensable.
- They sabotage small things in your work that are hard to prove.
How to respond without losing yourself
The most common mistake is to respond in kind. To become part of the toxicity yourself in order to survive. It works in the short term. In the long term it destroys you.
- Document it. Keep a mental or written record of specific incidents. The date, what happened, who was there. If you need to speak up, you will have facts.
- Deal with it directly and calmly. When something specific happens, talk to the person in private. No audience, no drama. "I noticed this. I don't like it. I don't want it to happen again." Short, clear, calm.
- Look after your allies. You don't need many. You need a few you can trust. People who see you, who know your work and have no reason to undermine you.
- Take it higher if you need to. If the problem continues and affects the work, you bring it to the chef or the manager with specific facts. Not complaints, facts.
- Consider whether it is worth staying. Some kitchens are so deeply toxic that they don't change. If the leadership tolerates or encourages toxic behaviour, the problem can't be solved by you alone. Then the best decision is to leave.
The chef's role: building a culture or tolerating one
If you are a chef or in a leadership position, this concerns you even more. The culture of a kitchen is a copy of its leadership.
If you tolerate toxic behaviour because "that's how the industry works", or because the toxic cook is technically good, you send a message to the whole team: this is allowed here. And then everyone adjusts accordingly.
You don't need to be a psychologist. You need to be present, to see, to react and to set clear standards of behaviour.
If you are living through it now
If you are reading this and you recognise your workplace, know one thing: you are not paranoid. These things happen. They are real. And it isn't your fault that you ended up in that environment.
But how you respond is your decision. Whether you let that environment change you, or keep yourself whole, even if that means changing workplace.
Your career is not this kitchen. It is what you carry with you wherever you go.
Questions and Answers
Why is toxicity so common in kitchens?
The kitchen is a high pressure, closed space with hierarchy and competition. Those conditions let tension build up. Without the right leadership, toxicity becomes the culture.
How do you recognise a toxic colleague?
They undermine your work when you aren't there, take credit for shared successes, share information selectively and change their attitude depending on who is present.
What do you do when you are being undermined?
You document it, deal with the person in private calmly and specifically, look after the allies you can trust and take it higher with facts if you need to. You never respond in kind.
Is jealousy in the kitchen always negative?
No. Jealousy that makes you want to improve is useful. Toxic jealousy is the kind that wants the other person to fail rather than you to succeed. That difference is crucial.
What is the chef's responsibility when it comes to toxicity?
A big one. The culture of a kitchen reflects its leadership. If the chef tolerates toxic behaviour, they legitimise it. There is no neutral position on this.